Have you ever felt that irresistible urge to stay at home rather than go out with your friends? You are not alone. Experts in psychology have studied the subject and discovered reasons, sometimes surprising, that go beyond simple fatigue or selfishness.
The meaning of not wanting to spend time with friends
It is important to understand that the desire for solitude is not always a sign of a problem. Sometimes it is simply a question of personal need.
We live in a society where social connection is often valued. But it is important to recognize that everyone has their own socialization needs.
For some, spending time alone is essential to recharge their batteries. Introverts, for example, find their energy in solitude and can feel exhausted after prolonged social interactions.
This withdrawal can also reflect an inner quest. We all go through periods when we need to refocus, to reflect on what we really want… A moment to “find ourselves”.
This need for introspection can be triggered by a change in life – a move, a break-up, a new job – or simply by a vague feeling that something is wrong. According to psychological experts, these moments of temporary isolation can be a healthy way to reassess our priorities.
However, there are cases where this desire for solitude can hide deeper problems. Stress, anxiety and depression are common factors that can lead us to avoid social interactions.
Another factor to consider is the feeling of disconnection. Sometimes we may feel that our friends no longer understand us or that we have evolved differently.
Friendships are often built on common ground: shared interests, humor, similar lifestyles. But over time, priorities change. A person in search of meaning can naturally distance themselves from a group focused on superficial entertainment, without any conflict. In psychology, this is called “affective selection”: an unconscious sorting of our relationships, guided by our new needs.
What the psychology experts say
Psychology specialists confirm it: social withdrawal is not always negative. Choosing solitude can be beneficial, even necessary. It allows you to refocus, reevaluate your relationships, or simply recharge your batteries.
But beware, the researchers qualify. When isolation is accompanied by persistent feelings of sadness or emptiness, it can reveal a deeper malaise. An abrupt break with one’s social circle is often the symptom of masked depression, they explain. In this case, it is important to seek help.
The experts also emphasize the impact of new technologies. Social networks give the illusion of connection, but reduce the quality of exchanges. The result? We feel less invested in real encounters.
Cognitive psychology studies show that the more time a person spends online, the less need they feel for physical contact – even with their closest friends. By spending their days hooked on their phone and on the internet, they have become accustomed to quick rewards that require little energy. This is not necessarily the case with their friends.
What should we do?
If you feel relieved when you cancel a dinner, it may be a sign that these relationships no longer suit you. Friendship, like love, requires authenticity. Remaining out of obligation leads to frustration and resentment, explain the psychology experts.
Conversely, if loneliness weighs on you, but you can’t take the plunge, talk about it. A simple message, such as: “I’m going through a difficult phase, but it’s nothing against you”, preserves the bond. True friends will understand.
