There is a fine line between being a loved grandparent and being barely tolerated. This boundary is often a question of behavior. Just as in relationships with adults, children also have their own boundaries. Putting them off can turn you from the grandparent they just tolerate to the one they really love. But don’t worry, I have some surefire ways to stay on their good side.
I’m about to share 7 behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want your grandchildren to love you and not just tolerate you.
1) Overstepping boundaries
Grandchildren, like the rest of us, have their own space and their own boundaries. Whether it’s their physical space, their belongings or even their time, it’s essential to respect these boundaries.
I know that as a grandparent, your love can push you to shower them with affection. But believe me, too much affection can sometimes suffocate them. Don’t forget, it’s not a question of quantity but of quality.
So, if you want your grandchildren to really love you and not just tolerate you, learn to respect their boundaries. It’s a small change in behavior, but believe me, it will make all the difference in how they perceive you.
2) Rejecting their interests
I will never forget the day my grandson showed me his latest collection of comic books. He was all excited and talked in detail about each character and their superpowers.
I must admit that I am not a big fan of comic books. I could easily have ignored his interests by saying, “Why waste your time with that kind of thing?”
But then I remembered the look on my grandmother’s face when I enthusiastically told her about my stamp collection, only to have her dismiss it as a “waste of time”. It hurt.
So instead of dismissing him, I chose to engage with him. I asked him who his favorite character was and why he liked it. His eyes lit up when he gave me the details.
The bottom line is that if you want your grandchildren to like you, show an interest in what they like. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, participating in their world will only strengthen your bond.
3) Being too critical
Children are remarkably perceptive and constantly learning from their environment. A study has shown that children who are constantly criticized tend to develop an aggressive inner critical attitude. This attitude can lead to self-esteem problems and even affect their mental health in the long term.
As a grandparent, it is natural to want the best for your grandchildren and to guide them in the right direction. But it is important to find a balance with empathy and understanding.
Constructive criticism is acceptable, but constant criticism can make your grandchildren feel like they are walking on eggshells in your presence.
So, if you want to be a grandparent that your grandchildren love, rather than just tolerate, focus on their positive points. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, and encourage them in their efforts. After all, a little positivity can go a long way in fostering a loving relationship.
4) Ignoring their feelings
Children are full of emotions and sometimes they don’t know how to deal with them.
As a grandparent, it is easy to brush these feelings aside, considering them as “childish” or “unimportant”. But this can lead to a feeling of invalidation.
Your grandchild may be upset because their best friend didn’t sit with them at lunch or because they lost their favorite toy. This may seem trivial to you, but for them it is an important event.
So the next time your grandchild confides their emotions to you, don’t ignore them. Listen to them carefully, validate their feelings and help them manage them.
Remember that it’s not the situation that matters, but what they think of it. By respecting their feelings, you will become someone they can trust and confide in – and that’s a sure-fire way to touch their hearts!
5) Forgetting to apologize
We all make mistakes – it’s human nature. And I’m no exception. One day, I promised my granddaughter that I would attend her school play. But due to an unforeseen commitment, I was unable to go. She was disappointed, and understandably so.
It is easy to think that as adults, we do not owe our children any apologies. But this is wrong. Apologizing to them when we are in the wrong teaches them responsibility and respect.
I apologized to my granddaughter for breaking my promise. I explained the situation to her and assured her that it was unintentional.
In doing so, I not only showed her that I respected her feelings, but also that I valued our relationship enough to admit my mistakes.
Remember that saying “I’m sorry” not only repairs relationships, it also strengthens them. So the next time you make a mistake, don’t hesitate to apologize. It will strengthen and authenticate your bond with your grandchild.
6) Being unapproachable
Think back to your childhood. Did you know any adults who always seemed too busy or too serious? Anyone you were reluctant to talk to about your problems or your joys?
Being approachable is important, especially with your grandchildren. They need to know that, whatever happens, they can always count on you.
That doesn’t mean you have to be available 24/7. But when you are with them, be present. Show them that their thoughts and feelings matter to you.
Whether it’s listening to their stories, helping them with their homework or just sharing a laugh at a silly joke, make sure they know you’re there for them.
Being an accessible grandparent can make all the difference between your grandchildren simply tolerating you or truly loving you.
7) Forgetting to express your love
In the end, there is nothing more powerful than love.
Children need affection and reassurance. They want to know that they are loved and cherished. And as a grandparent, you are in a particularly good position to offer them this.
Don’t assume they know you love them; tell them. Give them a hug. Write them a note. Praise them for their efforts. Attend their events.
Because in the end, it’s not what you say or do that counts, but how you make them feel it. And nothing beats love.
Conclusion
Being a loved and respected grandparent is about much more than just being physically present. It’s about understanding, caring and loving.
By respecting your grandchildren’s boundaries, supporting their passions, avoiding excessive criticism and constantly showing them affection, you build a strong and deep relationship.
Never forget that it is the small gestures, the moments shared, and above all the sincere love that makes all the difference. By applying this advice, you are sure to become not only a grandparent that they tolerate, but a grandparent that they adore.
Take the time to create unforgettable memories, to be present, and above all, to show them how much you love them at every moment. After all, love is the glue of any relationship, and with your grandchildren, it is what will remain engraved in their hearts forever.
